Happy Halloween

Last week I took the kids to get their pictures taken for Halloween. There's only a couple of times a year that I take them. Valentine's Day (which coincides nicely with Andy's birthday), Father's Day, and Halloween. Every once in awhile I'll take them for something else, like a big birthday or something, but otherwise that's it. We take so many photos ourselves that we find it very difficult to pay other people to take pictures of our kids. However, I do like to get a few nice pictures of the kids in a better setting than my messy, toy infested living room, so off we go. Also, as they get older I know we will go less and less, so I try to keep a record of them now while they are young and still changing.

Taking the kids for their Halloween pictures is a huge undertaking. It doesn't sound that difficult, but it is. First, you have to remember everything for their costumes. This year was particularly challenging because Andy was Harry Potter so I had to have the wand and the glasses and the tie and the robe and the eye liner to make his scar, ugh. Then, you can't let them wear the costumes in case they mess them up on the way to the photographer. Next, we have to bring our Halloween pajamas and get an adorable picture in them as well. Did I mention that I can't forget anything?

Now that the two older kids are both in school almost everyday, it adds another challenge. I have to wait until after school to take them. When they are tired and cranky and Amanda has most likely not had a nap, because she doesn't like to nap much no matter what day it is. I took them on a Tuesday for a 5:00 p.m. appointment. I promised Sonic and slushies and anything else I could think of that would just make them behave for the hour that was needed to get the pictures. The studio is in the mall, so we have to park, walk in with all our stuff (I truly look like a bag lady I have so many bags of costumes and pajamas and whatever else) and then walk past the food court and the yummy cookie and pretzel stores to get there. Then, once we arrive, we have to cram into the one-person bathroom and get all three of them into their costumes.

The stress of it almost kills me each time. We always end up getting a few good pictures so in the end it's worth it, but before I see those pictures I swear I'm never coming again. Sarah smiles great but never looks at the camera, Amanda is afraid of it all and is trying to run out of the scene, and Andy always thinks he has better pose ideas than the person taking the pictures. You know, the one who gets paid to do it for a living and does it all day long? After we're finally done I have to pay up and follow through with my bribe of Sonic or Chick-fil-A or candy. One time their behavior was so abysmal that I refused to give them their promised prize. That got them back in line for a long time.

So, I won't give into the stress. In a couple of years they will all be old enough to participate and do what is asked without making me pull my hair out, but the pictures won't be quite as cute or fun. I definitely won't be able to get Andy in pajamas that match his sisters.

Kid Quote of the Day

Sarah: Daddy, Andy said I couldn't go outside.

Andy: No I didn't!

Charlie: How many times have we told you not to listen to Andy?

Sarah: Zero.

Charlie: Are you lying? Because if you are you can go to your room for an hour.

Sarah: Seven.


Nice guess, honey, but try more like a MILLION.

Not To Be Outdone By Her Big Brother

Andy isn't the only one I have interesting conversations with. This is one I had with Sarah this morning in the car on the way to school. Remember, she's four.

Sarah: Mommy, what's 10 + 10 + 10?

Me: 30.

Sarah: What's 30 + 30 + 30?

Me: 90.

Sarah: What's 90 + 90 + 90 + 90 + 90 + 90?

Me: 540.

Sarah: What's 540 + 540 + 540 + 540 + 540 +540 + 540?

Me: 3780.

Sarah: What's...

Me: Stop. I can't do any more than that in my head. That's all I can do.

Sarah (pauses): Mommy, what's 1 + 1?

Me: You tell me?

Sarah: No, I just want to see if YOU know the answer!

Kid's Quote of the Day

The kids were looking at a toy catalog the other day so they could tell me what they want for Christmas. Andy and Sarah had the following conversation:

Sarah: I want the person with the bicycle.

Andy: You realize you don't get the person.

Sarah: I think they are fake people.

A Tiny Peek Into the Insanity

Ever since Andy's been able to talk, he's been asking questions. In that way he's like Charlie, he asks a ton of questions, trying to figure out the world, and sometimes doesn't even stop to wait for your answer before he asks another. It's maddening. Over the years I've learned that the answers I give are rarely the answers he is looking for. Huh? Why? Because I don't truly understand the question he is asking.

For example, he used to ask me a lot of what if questions, but they weren't your normal what ifs. He had a very specific answer in mind, and if you didn't give it to him you were wrong. One time he asked me, "Mommy (because every single question always starts with Mommy), what would happen if poop came out your penis and pee came out your butt?". Of course I'm thinking of all these medical conditions where something horrible has gone wrong and how your life would change forever, but instead, because I've learned, I said, "I don't know Andy. What would happen?". His answer? "Then you would have to stand up to poop and sit down to pee." Makes sense, just not where you thought it was going.

So, the other day he started barraging me with questions once again. Sarah started taking an art class about 15 minutes away from our house. The class is only an hour long, so if we went home we would only be there for about 20 minutes before we had to turn around again. As a result, we usually run errands or go somewhere for a snack while we wait. I don't get a lot of one on one time with Andy anymore, so this is his chance to hang out with Mom and ask crazy questions. Yes, Amanda is with us, but she isn't much of a conversationalist at this point in time.

Our conversation went like this:

Andy: Mommy, what are the rules for riding out west?

Me: I don't understand your question.

Andy: What are the rules...

Me: I understood what you said, I just don't know what you are trying to ask.

Andy: Okay, let me reword it. What are the rules for driving in the dessert?

Me: Same as any other driving rules.

Andy: They just drive around in the sand?

Me: No, there would have to be roads, otherwise the cars would get stuck in the sand.

Andy: Yeah, like dirt roads?

Me: No, cement roads.

Not exactly where you thought the conversation was going, huh? Maybe a cow hand could have given a better answer.

Kid Quote of the Day

"This is one chipped buda."

-Andy. I bought some really cute buda magnets for the fridge and they are just some of the things Amanda likes to frantically throw on the floor. Apparently they don't do so well on tile.

Hurricane Amanda

I forgot what it's like to have a one year old. Blocked this stage completely out of my head. You don't forget the baby stuff - the sleepless nights, the spitting up, the crying - you try to, but you can't. The stage right after the baby stuff, however, is easy to forget. Now that we're doing it again, it's all coming back. The frenzy with which the baby runs through the house tearing everything apart, throwing things in all directions, moving from target to target. I'm not sure why, but I forgot they even behaved this way until I am now in the thick of it.

Having a one year old is a full time job. At least if your one year old is active, and mine is. She is EVERYWHERE. When we moved into this house, we tried to make it toddler/kid friendly so the kids could learn to be a little more independent and do things for themselves. We put all the cups in a low drawer so the kids could get their own drinks, and the bowls and plates just above them. It's a great setup, or was until Amanda learned how to open up the drawer. Now there are cups and lids and plastic straws all over the kitchen floor during most of the day. Every time I pick them up and put them back she notices they are missing and replaces them. It wasn't until she actually started doing this that I remembered Sarah did the same thing. Basically you just have to wait until the end of the day to pick them up and leave them all over the house the rest of the day. Otherwise you'll go crazy. You also don't wash them, because if you did you'd be washing cups all day long. Let's just say we're building up their immune systems.

Her other favorite place to hang out is the recycle bin. We keep it in the laundry room, which is attached to the garage, and try to keep the door closed, but don't always remember. As soon as that door opens she's there like a flash (kind of like the dish washer). Today while I was moving some laundry from washer to dryer, she was trying to drink out of an empty milk container. Earlier this morning she was carrying a smashed coke can around the house. She's like a little bag lady, digging through the trash. She just can't stay away.


I know this stage won't last long. She'll tire of it eventually. Andy used to do the same thing with our Tupperware drawer. Eventually I had a set for Andy and a set for us to use. I won't do that with the cups, I'll just keep asking her to put them back in the drawer. In the meantime, I'll continue to walk through my house in disgust because it's a mess, and be just a little bit embarrassed when friends come over to visit. Just like all the others, this stage won't last long, but this probably won't be one that I miss after it's gone.

Dish Washer Wanted, No Experience Necessary

Amanda decided she was going to help me unload the dishes from the dishwasher this afternoon. I don't know if you've ever had a one year old help you unload the dishwasher, but it's not pretty. The second I opened the door she ran over to help. The first thing she did was grab a knife from the silverware holder, a butter knife not a sharp one, and lick it. Thank you very much, back into the dishwasher. After I asked her to leave the silverware alone, and took it so she couldn't grab anymore, she picked up a plate, luckily a plastic kid's plate, and, you guessed it, licked it. At this point I should have just rerun the dishwasher.

As I emptied the silverware container into the drawer, Sarah came over to play defense and prevented Amanda from picking up any of the breakable plates. Luckily when it comes to Amanda, Sarah has become a huge help. When it comes to anything else, not so much. As I gathered up all the plates to put in the cabinet, Amanda decided we were don't unloading the dishwasher and tried to shut the door. Unfortunately the bottom rack was still out with breakable dishes in it. It was just heavy enough to prevent her from getting the door very far, but she was trying hard.

I finally grabbed all the bowls, pushed in the bottom rack and put the bowls in the cabinet only to turn back to the dishwasher and find her sitting on the open door. Now I know those doors are strong, but I don't know how long they can hold 22+ pounds. I took her off, told her no, which really has zero effect, and pulled out the top rack. At this point you'd think I'd just give up, but no, I'm a glutton for punishment. Plus, I had a sink full of dirty dishes that needed to go into the dishwasher. This is the part Sarah is good at, because it's mostly plastic. So she started grabbing plastic cups and lids and putting them away. Not wanting to be left out, Amanda also starting grabbing cups. Finally finding a job she could actually do, I told her to take the cup and put it in the drawer where the kids' cups go. Amazingly, she did.

When we finally got the dishwasher unloaded with no injuries or broken dishes, I started to reload with the dirty dishes. At least now if she licked them or dropped them I wouldn't have to rewash them because they were already dirty. I put all the silverware in first and as I was putting in the plates she grabbed a knife, the sharp kind. Oh how she loves those knives. I nicely took it away from her, put the last of the dirties in and then asked her if she wanted to help me close the door. Of course that had been what she was waiting for all along. As soon as it was shut she walked away. Game over.

This is just foreshadowing for so many, many things I will have to be careful about in the next coming months. Give me strength!

Kid Quote of the Day

"How come nothing is about me today?"

-Andy. Believe me, I ask myself the same question on a daily basis.

Kid Quote of the Day

"I feel like not having you for my mom."

-Sarah, upset with me for something stupid. Don't worry honey, sometimes I feel like not having you for a daughter.

Frayed Nerves

Amanda has picked up a very bad habit. I'm not sure why, but she's been screaming. A lot. It's not a high pitched scream, but instead just a long, loud scream that makes you want to cover your ears. She does it around the house, which is tolerable, since you can get some distance. The problem is she also likes to do it in the car.

I haven't figured out if she screams because she's happy or excited or mad, this evening she was doing it when playing with Charlie and was definitely happy, but I don't really care. When she does it in the car I have a very hard time staying calm. I've tried covering my ears, but then I don't have any hands on the wheel and that's not too safe. Sometimes she does it when nothing is going on, but usually it's when Andy is trying to talk to me from the way back, Sarah is either also talking to me or singing a song and I'm trying to concentrate on driving. It's too much. It's enough to drive you insane. My nerves are shot and by the end of the day I'm just exhausted from listening to it.

I know I'm not always the quietest person, but her volume is unbelievable. It is just so loud. She screamed a lot when she was smaller, and I thought it would go away as she got older. Some of it has gone away, she doesn't scream all the time, but it's not a tiny baby scream anymore. This is a full lung shout out for all to hear.

Charlie recently got a hearing test and was told that a small amount of his hearing was gone (or damaged or something like that). The technician said it could be a result of loud children at home. If he's only with them a couple of hours a day and I'm with the all day long what does that say for me?

Better start looking into hearing aids.

Kid Quote of the Day

Andy: Why do they even let boys into Victoria's Secret?

Me: So they can buy someone a gift?

Andy: That would make a great gift, ha ha. (Pause) Yeah, right.


If only he knew.

Recovering

I know, it's been over a week since I've written. It has been crazy here. Well, it's always crazy here, but it's been more crazy than normal. My parents arrived about two weeks ago, and stayed with the kids while we went to San Diego. Three days after they left our friends, the Dodds, arrived. They live in Orlando where there isn't any good Mexican food, so we spent four days eating at all of our favorite Mexican joints. There are so many we didn't get to take them to, but those that we did were delicious. We also took them to a few other places that we really liked, but Mexican was the theme. I think I ate about two bags worth of chips over the weekend. When we weren't eating we went to the American Girl doll store, a pumpkin patch, and to play mini golf and ride go-karts. The boys even got in a round of golf.

So now we are in recovery mode. It's fabulous to have company, especially company that you love to hang out with, it's just that while people are at your home you don't get anything done because you are having too much fun with your friends. This week I've tried to get the kids reacquainted with their bedtime, get back into our normal weekly activities, do lots of laundry and try to recover from the lack of sleep. Oh, forget about that last one, I just can't make myself get more sleep. I'd like to go to bed earlier, but I know I won't because there's too many other things to do. Things are slowly coming together.

I thought that having the older kids back at school would give me lots of time to get things done, but I never really feel like I've done anything. There's always more to do, always things that need to be picked up or put away or fixed or something. My little break from reality seems like it happened months ago, not two weeks ago. Once again I have to remind myself that it will get easier and I have to enjoy this time while the kids are little while I've got it.

Easier said than done.

Frankie Goes to San Diego

We just got back from four days in San Diego. Without the kids. I can describe the trip in one word - relaxing. There are other words to describe it to - fun, beautiful, exciting, awesome, but the best one is relaxing. Four days without the kids. Nobody screaming or fighting or crying or telling me they don't want me to be their mom anymore. Nobody being disrespectful to me or disagreeing with everything I said. Best of all, I got a lot of quiet time. Ahhh!

My parents came and stayed with the kids. They did awesome, survived, and are even willing to come back so I call it a successful trip. We left early Thursday morning and got home on Sunday afternoon. It was a fabulous charity even for Susan G. Komen and they took really good care of us. Charlie got to play a couple rounds of golf, I went on some beautiful walks, the weather was fantastic and the food was amazing. A wonderful time had by all.

There were some celebrities there, actors and actresses and lots of athletes. We ran into coach Bob Knight in the elevator and spoke to him on the way to our room (his room was two down from ours). He was very nice and much taller than he looks on tv. I told him I was an I.U. Alumni and then moved to Texas so had followed his career for years. Unfortunately I didn't see him again over the weekend so I never got a picture with him and didn't get his autograph for my friend, Kim, who LOVES Bob Knight. Oh well, it was still really cool to meet him. I also got to sit next to Wendy Malick at dinner one night. She used to be on the show Just Shoot Me and is now on the TVLand show Hot In Cleveland. She is super nice and very fun and engaging. We really had a blast talking to her.

The best part of the trip, however, better than meeting celebrities and coaches and ex-athletes, and spending some time with my wonderful husband, was getting some much needed time to myself. Each day I had at least 2-3 hours by myself in the hotel room and I really enjoyed it. Charlie asked if I was getting bored or if I could stay a few more days and I was ready to stay another week. Of course we weren't invited to stay that long and Mom and Dad wouldn't have appreciated that, but it would have been great for me.

People kept asking if I missed the kids. No, not so much. It's not that I don't love them, because I do, but I just needed a break to regroup and spend some time doing something nice for me. You know how the saying goes, if Mommy isn't happy, nobody's happy. Hopefully now I'll have a little more patience, be a little more calm and be a lot more relaxed. At least enough until we can get away again.

Costume

The other day, out of nowhere, Andy said, “Olivia says, 'No matter what the question, costume is always a very good answer'". Say what? I asked him who Olivia was, and he said it was Olivia the pig, from the fabulous kids’ books. Apparently while we were in Myrtle Beach this summer, he watched a few episodes of the Olivia cartoon with his friend, Anna. We don’t usually watch Olivia, so I didn’t know where he was coming from.

So, all afternoon Andy and Sarah kept asking each other inane questions, and they would always shout out the answer, “COSTUME”. It took Sarah a couple of minutes, or questions, to catch on, but she finally got it. She liked it so much she was giggling uncontrollably. Now, when you are around Sarah and she is whining and crying most of the time, it is amazingly refreshing to hear her giggling. It is contagious.

It didn’t take long before the game got a little old, at least for me, but the kids were having a blast. I tried to end it with, “Andy, what do you wear on Halloween?”, but they kept it going. Not just that day, the next day it picked up again. “COSTUME”, “COSTUME”, “COSTUME”.

It gets a little annoying, but here’s the plus. They weren’t fighting, or crying, or whining, or yelling at each other (unless you count saying costume at high volume). They were talking and playing and having a great time. Together. It may take an annoying game to make it happen, but that’s okay with me.

COSTUME!

It May Not Ever Come Out

Why is it that kids always get sick in the middle of the night? They can't throw up when they're awake and aware of their surroundings, they have to do it in their bed, down the hallway, or in some other really inconvenient place. It's like a sick joke the parenting gods play on you. Oh, things have been going pretty well? Let's zap you with a pile of puke at one o'clock in the morning.

That is exactly what happened to us last night. It was just past midnight, way later than we should have been up anyway, and we were about to go to bed. I don't know where Charlie was but I was brushing my teeth. All of a sudden Andy walks into the bathroom, stops, and throws up not once, not twice, but three times on the floor. He continued to throw up two more times but by now I finally had gotten control of my in-shock self and put a trash can in front of him. Not ten minutes before had I taken the trash can off his bed because he was sleeping peacefully and it was extremely close to his face. Should have just left it there.

No problem, you say, because it was in the bathroom. On the tile. Yes, normally that would be the case. Except for some, unknown reason, there was carpet in our bathroom when we moved in and we hadn't quite gotten around to removing it. Oh, it was in the plans. We even have the tile sitting patiently in the garage. We just haven't had the money to get it done. Or the time. Or the money.

Thankfully Charlie took charge and cleaned up the floor. Good thing too, because I almost threw up watching Andy throw up. There are lots of disgusting things the kids do that I can handle no problem, but I've learned lately that throw up is not one of the them. If Charlie wasn't around I could do it because I have to, but I am so glad he was there. He brought a bucket and a large paint scraper (we use all the right tools in our house), and scooped it up and then cleaned the floor.

I was telling this story to my friend, Larisa, today and she said we should have put corn starch on it. Apparently all good cooks, of which I am not, have some in their house because it is used to make sauces thicker. Um, okay. When you put corn starch on vomit, it absorbs the liquid and the smell. If you wait until it dries completely you just vacuum it up and it's like it never happened. Amazing. I wish I would have known that, and, of course, had corn starch in my house, because almost 24 hours later the stench is still there.

This morning it was bad. I could barely take a shower in the bathroom and Sarah refused to stay in there and hang out with Amanda. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but our bathroom is huge. We often hang out in there with the kids. We have toys in there so they'll stick around while we're getting ready or showering or whatever, and there's plenty of room for all of us. That's one of the reason why Charlie didn't want to rush to pull up the carpet and put in tile, because the baby plays in there. I don't think he'll stall much longer.

The smell has dissipated a little bit. I've cleaned it again with some great stuff that the professional carpet cleaner gave me the last time he came and I've Febreezed it like crazy, but it continues to smell. If it still smells by the time we get back from San Diego I'm definitely calling the pros. Then we're going to have to find a way to get that room tiled sooner than later. After that the kids can puke on it as often as they like. Well, as long as Charlie is around to clean it up.

You Can Dress Her Up, BUT...

Next weekend Charlie has a big work event and I am invited. He has plenty of work events, I just never get to go to them. It's in San Diego and I get to go and the kids do not. Awesome. My parents are coming in for a few days to watch the kids while we're gone. Even more awesome. Good luck, I hope you still love us, and them, when we get back.

The only thing dampening my excitement to get away from my very loud, whiny children is the fact that I have to get dressed up. Really dressed up. Dressed up in a way I have not been in a very long time. I had the perfect dress in mind from my closet. I went to try it on and before I even could I realized it had faded in some weird places and was not an option. When was the last time I wore it? Oh yeah, to a wedding a year or two before mine. So, about 12 years ago. No wonder.

I have one dress that works and, amazingly, fits, but I needed another one. So Amanda and I went dress shopping. Have you ever been dress shopping with a one year old? Not fun. She doesn't ooh and ahh and tell you how wonderful you look even if you don't, she screams and yells and throws Teddy Grahams on the floor and spits water all over herself. I spent four hours shopping at two malls and guess which dress I bought? You guessed it, the first one I tried on. Ugh.

My problem is not the baby weight. I lost all the baby weight a few months after I had the baby. My problem is the weight I gained before I got pregnant. You know, the weight that I put on when I was frustrated that I wasn't getting pregnant. That I haven't seemed to lose yet. My other problem is the baby belly. Because even if you lose the weight you don't lose the belly. Those that don't know what I'm talking about either don't have kids or are very, very lucky people.

Then, of course, is the fact that I never have to get dressed up. Never. I can dress up, but that's only because I want to, not because I have to. I wear t-shirts and shorts or jeans almost everyday. On the days I do feel like dressing a little nicer and I put on a skirt and nice blouse every body asks me why I'm so dressed up. My answer? Sometimes it's just nice to look good and not have snot or drool or whatever else all over you. At least for a couple of hours.

I thought I was done with it when I bought the dress, but today I realized that I'm really lacking in footwear as well. Unfortunately my Keen Mary Janes and running shoes, which I do not run in, are not appropriate for this even. So this time I packed up both girls while Charlie and Andy went to a birthday party and we went shoe shopping. Once again, not an ideal place to take two little girls, but Sarah loved it. She tried on all the shoes and helped me pick which pair to buy. She probably tried on five pairs for every one I tried on, and of course she had to try on every pair I did. She did make it somewhat interesting, and made me see how much fun we might have shoe shopping in the future. She loves shoes almost as much as I do. Not quite, but almost.

So, in the end, I have my dress and my shoes and I will look presentable. Not fabulous, like I know some people will, but pretty good for a lady who spends most of her days wearing old, holey t-shirts with snot, drool and Cheetos stains on them. We just won't tell Charlie's cohorts how I dress for my day job.