Now I Remember

There are days when I question why I do what I do. I don't mean what I have for breakfast or the lovely color combinations I chose to wear that day, I'm talking about my chosen profession, that of the stay at home mom. Some people scoff at the role, thinking that it must be so easy, but those people have obviously never tried it. When I first quit working I told myself I was leaving the work force to be the Executive Manager of the Sultan Household. It made me feel a little better to have a title, but that's exactly what you do when you stay at home, manage. I manage the house, I manage the bills, I manage the transportation from one activity and/or sporting event to the next, and I try to manage not going crazy while holding it all together. Charlie has told me time and again that he would not want my job. Some day it will be easier, well, it will still be hard because kids never make it easy, but I won't have to deal with all the frustrations that come with little kids, and I will long for these days again. At least that's what people with older kids tell me.

As I said, there are days when I wonder why I do this and if it's all worth it. Days when there's lots of crying and whining and crying and fighting and crying and name calling and crying and yelling and hey, did I mention crying? There is a lot of crying that goes on in my house. I think it's part of the drama that goes along with all the estrogen milling about. Some days I wonder if I would be happier going to work and trying to communicate with people that actually go to the bathroom when they have to, don't ask the same inane question over and over and over, speak clearly and respectfully and don't roll their eyes whenever you ask them to do something. Other days I try to remember why I wanted three children so desperately (it's still a mystery to Charlie but he goes along with it because he loves me) and is God trying to punish me with this third one? Then other days I'm just trying to keep my head above water and wonder if I am truly a fit mother and if the kids will turn out okay.

Every once in awhile, however, the kids will throw me a bone and I know that I'm okay, that we're okay, and everything I'm doing is not for naught. It's times like this that make me smile, take a deep breath, and gear up for the next day.